6 Month Waiting period OVER!! Wahoo!

I made it!! My last medically required HCG test is done. I made it the 6 month waiting period after my hormones returned to normal levels (they did so in May) that was required by my Doctor. I can't believe I have made it. I give all the praise to God for carrying me through this year. It has been turbulent and scary at times but through each step God was with me. Giving me the strength to get through each day. I really almost can't even believe it is done, it has become such a normal part of my life.

I have learned so much this year. Mainly about waiting and trusting God's timing. Why does that have to be SO HARD to do sometimes? Its always easy to trust God with the little things and throw the phrase "trust God" around to other people. When it comes to something big and hard why do I think I know better than God? The God who created the universe!  I know I will continue to always struggle (on some level) with this trust. My flesh is weak with worry and anxiety that can overcome me at times. I am human and that is one of the (many) reasons I need my Savior and His redeeming love.  My heart is so grateful to the Lord and all He has done for me. This year has not been fun, it has been full of grief, struggles and hurt BUT God is greater than this pain. He gives me joy beyond any earthly joy.

I hope through sharing my heart and my struggles some of you have come away with a better understanding of the crushing blow a miscarriage has on a woman and her family. I hope it helped people have sympathy and compassion toward those who have lost their precious babies. I hope it helped people realize how blessed they are to never of had to experience this loss. It is not easy to share my heart with everyone. I feel venerable at times and that can be scary. I really had it on my heart that writing it down was what God wanted me to do. I have been blessed so much by the kind words and encouragement I have gotten from so many of you!

I will always have a hole in my heart for my child I lost. How amazing that a tiny baby who was hardly in my womb more than a few weeks could have made such a lasting impact on my life and the lives of others! My baby fulfilled his/her purpose on this earth without ever taking a breath. It is truly awesome. I know that God has used this for good. I have been able to help and reach out to other women who have gone through this experience. I see the blessings around me and for that I am so thankful.

It is so nice to have someone who can understand the overwhelming feelings you have when you are told you miscarried.  A friend from high school contacted me shortly after my surgery and shared that she had a molar pregnancy too. She didn't have to share that information with me but because she did I didn't feel so isolated and alone anymore. She was an answer to prayer for me. I needed a light during those darkest days and she was able to give me that light and hope that I wasn't alone. She also went on to have more kids with no issues and that was also an enormous relief for me. I don't want to name names...you know who you are...thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!  There are many others of you that had miscarriages and shared those stories with me. Thank you, I know for some people it is not easy to share. Thank you all for taking the time to reach out to me and be a friend. There are so many people who God used during these months to help me along the way.

I believe that the Lord is going to bless me beyond my wildest dreams. I know that I am precious and loved daughter of a might King.  I am hopeful about the future and praying that soon I have a healthy baby in my arms. Thank you for your love and prayers. There have been times I could feel the peace of the Lord wash over me and I know it was at times when people were praying. Please continue to pray for me as I start a new chapter in this journey. That anxiety I feel would be replaced with peace. So here I go, jumping off the cliff with complete faith that God is going to catch me or give me wings to fly!!!!