October 1st.

Today is October 1st and it also happens to be my due date of the baby I miscarried. I wasn't sure how this day would make me feel or how I would handle it but for the most part I think I am doing pretty good. I cried this morning because I am sad I don't have my baby in my arms today, but I am at peace with the fact that this child wasn't ever meant for me to hold on this earth.  I feel like a can close the door on a big part of my grief now and start to move forward. I have allowed myself to grieve and cry when needed and I have been open about my struggles these last nine months.  

The love, encouragement and support I have received has been a tremendous blessing in my healing process.  Thank you all so much. As hard as it has been to wait, I have been able to see the blessings and good things that have come out of it. Of course I wish the miscarriage and the molar pregnancy never happened but I have seen the good that has come from it. I have been able to be there for others who have gone through this difficult loss. I have seen God working good everywhere. It is easy to let our grief swallow us at times and focus so much on ourselves that we miss the blessings all around. Sometimes we need a different perspective to see how blessed our lives really are.  

I don't know what the future holds but I do have confidence that it is blessings from above. I have peace that things are going to be alright.  I am blessed to have a beautiful, healthy (almost) 3 year old daughter who makes me laugh until I cry. I get to play dress up, baby dolls, hide'n'seek and snuggle her all day long. I am blessed to have a caring, understanding husband who makes me laugh and lets me cry. All of my family has been so supportive of me during this time, I don't know how I would have made it through this without them. Who knows what the future holds? I am trying not to plan to far ahead anymore! I pray that soon we would be blessed with a healthy child, it is the deepest desire of my heart right now. It is time for me to let my worries and "what if's" go and jump in with full faith and trust. I hope soon I am updated our blog with ultra sound and growing belly bump photos. :) Until then I will keep cherishing my time alone with Natalie (who is growing up WAY to fast!) and keeping loving the moments of life I have now.