Waiting and learning patience

These last few weeks have been pretty disappointing and frustrating for me. I have had small drops in my hormone levels, this last week I dropped 68 points.  It is very difficult to not be frustrated.  The closer I get to "0" the slower my numbers have dropped. Of course I am happy they have dropped, that is a good sign but when I go from 900-500 point drops to a 68 point drop is really hard. My nurse said there is no rhyme or reason for it and that everyone is different.  I have such a hard time knowing there is absolutely nothing I can do to help the process along.  I have to just sit and wait.  I am not good at waiting, there is no doubt about that.  I feel like I am holding my breath until I get to "0" and I just want to let it out and cry.  I just want this "waiting" period behind me.

This is the 7th week of doing the blood draws and I am weary and tired. I want to have a date in my head of when I can try to have a baby again and until I get to "0" there is no date in the future.  Please pray for patience for God's timing and peace for me.  I know I will get to "0" eventually and I know it may only be a few weeks away....but right now it feels very far off. I know God's timing is perfect, even when it doesn't make sense to us. I will continue to redirect my focus to God.  I will be ok...and I know that someday holding my baby I will look back and say "this was worth it, this was worth all the pain, grief, and suffering".

Through all of this I have seen God's blessings.  I am thankful I had courage to speak out about my loss because I  have been blessed beyond what I could have ever imagined. By allowing myself to venerable to others, they respond by opening up to me.  The love, encouragement and kindness I have received by sharing has been a major blessing to me. My motivation behind sharing is 1. to give glory to God in ALL circumstances  2. to help people better understand the deep impact that a miscarriage has on a woman  3. to hopefully help someone else that may be struggling with this situation so they know they are not alone.  I know down the road, many years from now this will seem like a distant memory. For now this is my life and I have to choose to keep trusting God. To keep hoping and having faith.  These last few weeks have been a lower valley for me but I know that in the darkest valley in our life is when God makes us grow the most in our faith.

I am thankful for my family and friends. I am thankful for my sweet healthy baby girl (ok more like little girl these days!).  I have an amazing husband, beautiful home, loving friends and a wonderful God.  I am thankful for my sense of humor.  I am thankful to be feeling "normal" again and strong.  I am thankful for great Doctor's. I am thankful for all the people who care and pray for me.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 "Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus"