September

I realized it has been a long time since I last updated on how things were going. I also realize people seem to be afraid to ask me how I am doing, so I thought I better just update on here. :) Things are going ok.  Physically I am feeling much better than before and feel strong again (yay!!). I was doing ok mentally but as September has come each day has been a little more emotional and harder for me. My due date was October 1st but the baby would have been born the week of Sept 24th (c-section). So as those dates approach I am finding myself more emotional and sad. I know that God's timing is perfect and that my last baby was not meant for me in this life but that doesn't take away the pain and grief I am filled with as the due date approaches.  My emotions feel as raw as on the day I found out I miscarried. I am surprised by this and also realizing that I am not the first person to probably feel this way.

It's really difficult and I am doing the best I can to put on a happy face and move forward each day. But I can't hide (and shouldn't have to) my sadness over the loss of my baby.  I realize many people miscarry babies and that most go on to have healthy pregnancies.  I am just getting weary of waiting for my 6 month date to approach (Nov/Dec) timeframe.  I am trying to not let my thoughts or worries consume me about getting pregnant again (will it be as easy? will I have healthy baby? will I miscarry again?). I have to take each day as it comes with all the blessings, joy, and even sadness.

I don't have much else to update on at this point. HCG levels are all good and medically everything else seems to be good. Please know I really am encouraged when people take the time to ask how I am doing. I don't want the people in my life who have taken time to read my updates and pray for me to be nervous to ask how I am. If anything, I need the encouragement now more than ever.  I know I am in the "home stretch" at this point and feel relief about that. What a year this has been for me and my family. God is good and I know His blessings will be great.